It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
