As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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