Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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