Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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