I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just want nice things and good sex
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
