I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
