He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
