when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
