Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
