Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
