I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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