You're my little dorito
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
