If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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