I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize