batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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