I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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