Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
