you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
