I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
