When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
