I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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