Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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