Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
