My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
the raccoons are back...
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