You made me cry and you don't even care
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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