ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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