I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize