Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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