Me. At least after what I've been through.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
