true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
