he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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