Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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