do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
