did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
