Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
