My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
