Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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