It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
