Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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