p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
