if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
