cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
