He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
