how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
