I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
