i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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