i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
MIDGETS
????
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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