If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
