We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
