I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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