At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
