Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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