I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
