you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
