Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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