you guys were way drunker than both of me
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
