My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
