i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I have aggressive nipples.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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