Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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