Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I have post one night stand depression
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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