What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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