Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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