I wish I could punch you in the face.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
