the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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