i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
