so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
