She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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