remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
They took my balls.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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