Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
