I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
