I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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