Acid is not a monday night drug
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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