you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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