Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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