is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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