i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize