Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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