Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
