what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
