I wanna bring you to show and tell
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
