theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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