Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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