tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
