Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
