so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
