i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
