I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
When did angry sex become our thing?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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