Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
