Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize