I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
