idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
