He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
