she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
