Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize