We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
