don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
