i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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