the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
