Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
