we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
