it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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