butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
