fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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