good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
