you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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