My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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