im drinking this country out of the recession.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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